Tag: the late show with stephen colbert

  • Stephen Colbert Spots Hardest Section Of Jail For Trump-Loving Proud Boy Rioters

    Stephen Colbert celebrated the indictments in opposition to 5 individuals of the far-right side road gang referred to as the Proud Boys for his or her alleged position within the Jan. 6, 2021 attack at the U.S. Capitol.

    The “Past due Display” host famous on Tuesday that the fees for seditious conspiracy raise most doable sentences of as much as twenty years in jail.

    “I gotta let you know,” he mentioned, “seeing the ones guys arrested makes this boy proud.”

    However Colbert additionally discussed some strange regulations the crowd has, akin to handiest being allowed to masturbate as soon as a month.

    “That’s gonna make the ones twenty years in jail appear beautiful lengthy,” he cracked. “However I do perceive why they’re so offended.”

    See extra in his Tuesday night time monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Names And Shames GOP Lawmaker As ‘Dumbest Guy Alive’

    Stephen Colbert doled out a unprecedented honor on Monday night time, giving one Republican lawmaker a brand new name, but it surely’s one he most probably gained’t be placing on a resume anytime quickly.

    The “Past due Display” host tore into Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), who remaining week complained that Republicans get handled unfairly once they lie and pointing particularly to the arrest of former Donald Trump adviser Peter Navarro. Navarro used to be indicted on contempt fees after refusing to agree to a subpoena from the Space committee investigating the Jan. 6 assault at the U.S. Capitol.

    However Gohmert noticed it from any other standpoint.

    “It in fact places an exclamation level on the truth that we have now a two-tired justice device. For those who’re a Republican, you’ll be able to’t even misinform Congress or misinform an FBI agent or they’re coming after you,” he griped.

    “Wait! Hang on a 2nd, we’re getting extra breaking information!” Colbert interjected. “That is simply in. Is that this showed? He’s simply showed it: Louie Gohmert stays the dumbest guy alive.”

    Colbert’s monologue additionally featured an “EW!” second about Gohmert:

    See extra of Colbert’s takedown of Navarro and Gohmert in his Monday night time monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Nails The Worst Imaginable Information About The Monkeypox

    Stephen Colbert has some unhealthy information concerning the “sizzling new virus everyone’s speaking about.”

    And the “Past due Display” host noticed one thing extraordinarily unsettling concerning the virus: It’s a “genital shape” of the an infection.

    “Now, I’m no physician,” Colbert identified. “However I do know that the genital type of one thing is all the time the worst conceivable shape.”

    Then, he mimicked a physician giving a affected person some unhealthy information.

    “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, it seems like you’ve got a sinus an infection ― the genital shape,” Colbert mentioned. “Right here’s a nasal spray. You’re no longer gonna like the place that is going.”

    See extra in his Monday evening monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Spots The Unhappy Second Trump’s ‘Most sensible Adviser’ Grew to become On Him

    His pick out for a U.S. Senate seat representing Pennsylvania, famous person physician Mehmet Ounces, won lower than a 3rd of the vote in a race that’s happening to the cord. And in North Carolina, Trump-backed GOP Rep. Madison Cawthorn simply misplaced a number one problem to state senator and native McDonald’s proprietor Chuck Edwards.

    “Whilst Cawthorn had the ex-president’s reinforce, Edwards used to be recommended by way of the ex-president’s best adviser,” Stephen Colbert mentioned, regarding this outdated Trump TV advert:

  • Stephen Colbert Spots ‘Creepiest Political Promise’ Dr. Oz. Made Simply Ahead of Vote

    Oz., a star TV physician made well-known by way of Oprah Winfrey, advised electorate within the Keystone State on Monday: “Whilst you pass to mattress at night time, put your head on that cushy pillow, Oz. can be doing precisely what you possibly can need him to do in case you have been there subsequent to him.”

    Colbert performed the clip and raised an eyebrow, calling it the “creepiest political promise” since President George H.W. Bush’s “learn my lips” vow ― which, within the Colbert model, additionally integrated some tongue:

    Dr. Oz.’s promise additionally ended in this mock advert from the “Past due Display” on Tuesday:

  • ‘Suck It, Putin!’: Stephen Colbert Scoffs Russia After Maximum Humbling Ukraine Second But

    “I’m shocked they’re known as Neptune missiles as a result of Russia, Ukraine’s kicking Uranus,” he stated to cheers from his target audience.

    The “Overdue Display” host stated Russian President Vladimir Putin had attacked Ukraine in an try to prevent NATO from increasing east. However now, Sweden and Finland are making an allowance for becoming a member of the alliance ― one thing Colbert stated they also have a coupon for:

    See extra in his Thursday night time monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Names Best Republican In Fee Of Rep. Madison Cawthorn’s Orgies

    Stephen Colbert is attempting to resolve the largest thriller in politics presently: Which Republican is main the cocaine-fueled orgies?

    “Given the common age of the GOP, I suppose they’re snorting Boniva,” Colbert cracked, then did an influence: “WHEW! My femur is tougher than a diamond! I’ll filibuster anything else that strikes!”

    Different GOP lawmakers are ticked off in regards to the allegation. However Colbert desires solutions.

    Previous this week, he guessed Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) was once the ringleader and shared an unforgettable mockup of the 88-year-old in leather-based and sporting a whip, which he captioned as: “Chuck Grassley’s Ass Jamboree.”

    Grassley hasn’t denied it, which Colbert jokingly took as proof for his idea.

    Right here’s extra from his Wednesday evening monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Provides Kevin McCarthy An X-Rated New Description And… Um…

    And it’s going to be difficult to omit this one.

    Colbert was once cracking some jokes about right-wing Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-N.C.), who claimed he was once invited to orgies by way of his colleagues within the Area. Since Cawthorn has just about no courting with Democrats, it’s presumed that his intended invitations got here from fellow Republican lawmakers ― one thing that reportedly drew the ire of McCarthy.

    As McCarthy’s image got here at the display screen, Colbert described what the Republican chief could be doing on the orgy, drawing a mixture of laughs and groans alike:

  • Stephen Colbert Explains To Will Smith The Easiest Method To Really Harm A Comic

    “Will Smith was once angry through the comic story and sought after to get up for his spouse, high quality,” Colbert allowed, then cracked: “Problem Chris to a duel.”

    However then Colbert gave some truthful recommendation on one of the simplest ways to “truly harm” a comic.

    “Don’t chuckle,” he urged. “That hurts far more than a punch, I promise you.”

    See extra in his Monday evening monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Name callings Putin With An Insult That is Nearly Absolute best In Each Approach

    The “Past due Display” host then introduced into his influence of the queen ― whole along with her royal wave ― as he described the brand new royal sanctions in opposition to Russian President Vladimir Putin for his incursion into Ukraine:

    “Vladimir Putin will now not be receiving any bejeweled rapiers,” Colbert mentioned in his mock-queen voice. “Nor shall any of his cream be clotted.”

    It will get worse for Russia: Colbert mentioned it will be disadvantaged of Mary Poppins, too.

    “And younger Russians short of self-discipline and love must do with out flying nannies and chimney sweeps,” he added. “Chim-chim-a-fuck youuuuuu.”

    With that, Colbert swapped his royal wave for a much less regal chicken:

    See extra in his Wednesday evening monologue: