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Tag: Stephen Colbert

  • Stephen Colbert Scoffs Fox Information Host’s ‘Very Silly Concept’ About Trump

    “You already know whilst you accuse anyone of planting proof earlier than they are saying that they even discovered the rest, it’s whilst you know they’re gonna to find one thing,” Colbert stated, then introduced an instance: “Officer, earlier than you breathalyze me, I will have to tell you I think that you’ve planted a 5th of tequila in my abdomen.”

    However Colbert stored a few of his most harsh phrases for Fox Information host Ainsley Earhardt, who he stated introduced a “very silly principle” when she implied one thing nefarious used to be hiding within the backpacks carried through FBI brokers.

    “What used to be in the ones backpacks?” she requested.

    “Excellent level, Ainsley! We all know you get to go looking the police officers earlier than they seek you,” Colbert stated. “That’s why I at all times inform TSA, ’Dangle on, mister. First, I’m gonna knuckle-bump your junk.’”

    See extra in his Thursday evening monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Scoffs Alex Jones With An Epic ‘Dick Pic’ Reality-Test

    Stephen Colbert declared right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones “the worst human on this planet” for the “outrageous lies he advised in regards to the Sandy Hook tragedy.”

    Jones used his communicate display on Infowars to say the taking pictures used to be pretend, which resulted in the households of the sufferers being confused by way of his listeners. Remaining week, a jury ordered him to pay just about $50 million to the fogeys of a kid who used to be killed within the 2012 mass taking pictures at a Connecticut fundamental college.

    One key piece of proof towards Jones got here when his lawyers by chance became over his textual content messages to the lawyers for the fogeys. Jones later downplayed that to his listeners, pronouncing the textual content messages had been “no dick pics, no not anything.”

    “Oh, Alex,” he stated. “I urge to range: Each image of you is a dick pic.”

    See extra ― together with Colbert’s influence of Jones ― within the Monday night time monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Scoffs Dr. Oz.’s ‘Lawn State Ass’ Over Embarrassing Marketing campaign

    Fetterman has been describing Oz. as an out-of-touch famous person who’s in large part lived in New Jersey. Or, as Colbert put it: “Fetterman has long gone complete troll on Oz.’s Lawn State ass.”

    Fetterman has recruited a number of New Jersey celebs to ship messages to Oz., reminiscent of rocker/actor Steven Van Zandt.

    “You’re a bit from your league,” Little Steven says within the video. “No person needs to peer you get embarrassed.”

    Colbert begged to range.

    “Counterpoint,” Colbert mentioned, elevating his hand after the video. “I do.”

    See extra in his Thursday night time monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Spots Trump Acolyte’s Maximum Baffling Election Declare But

    Stephen Colbert noticed a in truth bizarre second in a speech given via Kari Lake, the conspiracy theorist and Republican candidate for governor in Arizona who used to be recommended via former President Donald Trump.

    Lake declared that there used to be fraud in Tuesday’s number one ― sooner than the vote used to be even held. Lake then claimed victory within the strangest method conceivable: She stated slightly any votes have been counted but she had gained seven out of each 10 election day votes.

    “This is huge! And the ones votes don’t seem to be counted but. There’s no trail to victory for my opponent, and we gained this race, duration,” she stated.

    “I’m sorry, what? What’s going down?” Colbert requested, then attempted to summarize: “She stated the votes had been slightly counted. Then she stated she used to be profitable seven out of 10. Then she stated the votes weren’t counted but. Then she stated she gained.”

    Then he confirmed how that good judgment may’ve performed out throughout the Tremendous Bowl in his Wednesday evening monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Drops An F-Bomb On ‘Insane’ Republican Applicants

    Stephen Colbert mentioned Tuesday’s GOP number one effects weren’t in when he taped his display, but it surely was once protected to claim a winner simply the similar.

    “Some loopy motherfucker received,” the “Past due Display” host introduced as he proceeded to explain the state of the trendy Republican Celebration within the technology of former President Donald Trump.

    “Yikers! How terrible do it’s important to be at the present time to be reduce free by means of the Republicans?” Colbert requested. “That’s being informed you’re too insane for the Manson circle of relatives: ‘I hate to damage it to you, guy, Charlie thinks you’re making us glance dangerous.’”

    See extra in his Tuesday night time monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Wrecks ‘Butthole’ Ted Cruz Over His Ugliest Turn-Flop But

    Stephen Colbert tore into Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) on Monday for converting his vote and blocking off passage of the PACT Act, which might’ve prolonged healthcare advantages for veterans who have been uncovered to toxins such because the burn pits in Iraq and Afghanistan.

    Or because the “Overdue Display” host described him: ”Texas senator, and butthole all dressed up for his prostate examination.”

    “I believe there are some veterans available in the market who would additionally love to bump Ted Cruz with their fists,” Colbert cracked.

    Cruz used to be amongst many Republicans who voted for the reputedly uncontroversial invoice in June when it handed the Senate 84-14. However then remaining week, he joined with 24 different Republicans who modified their votes and blocked the invoice.

    Critics mentioned it used to be a spite transfer finished out of disappointment with Democrats for achieving a deal to lift taxes at the rich and put money into each local weather and healthcare. Colbert referred to as it “baldly cynical” and “pointlessly malicious.”

    For the reason that GOP lawmakers flipped their votes, Colbert presented every other more or less turn in go back:

    See his complete takedown in his Monday night time monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert We could The Zingers Unfastened On Rep. Matt Gaetz Over Weekend Speech

    Stephen Colbert didn’t cling again on Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) after the lawmaker’s look at a right-wing summit for college kids over the weekend.

    “Gates has been accused of trafficking an underage lady for intercourse, nevertheless it hasn’t affected his talking agenda,” Colbert stated on “The Past due Display” Tuesday. “Over the weekend, he gave the impression on the extremely conservative workforce Turning Level USA’s annual Pupil Motion Summit. Gaetz will attend anything else with the phrases ‘scholar’ and ‘motion in’ the identify.”

    Right through Gaetz’s speech, he criticized former Vice President Mike Pence, announcing he used to be “no longer a pace-setter” and would “by no means be president.”

    “Oh, snap! Mike Pence simply were given schooled via a man who’s no longer allowed inside 50 toes of 1,” Colbert quipped.

    Colbert then segued into his subsequent section, including: “In happier information than Matt Gaetz: Monkeypox.”

    He generated headlines over the weekend after making misogynistic remarks on the scholar summit, telling the group that ladies who battle for abortion rights have been unpleasant and obese.

    Watch Colbert’s roast underneath:

  • Stephen Colbert Offers Sen. Josh Hawley A Scathing New Nickname

    Hawley has attracted fashionable ridicule because the Jan. 6 committee published a video at Thursday’s listening to appearing him operating from the U.S. Capitol right through the 2021 rebellion, no longer lengthy after giving a closed-fist salute to insurrectionists out of doors.

    “This weekend, on the right-wing Turning Level USA Summit, we heard from Missouri senator and big name of the brand new movie ‘Fascist Gump’ Josh Hawley,” Colbert mentioned Monday on “The Overdue Display.”

    Right through his speech on the Florida convention, Hawley boasted that he objected to President Joe Biden’s Electoral School victory in Pennsylvania. Hawley did so even after the mob of Donald Trump’s supporters laid siege to the Capitol to be able to overturn the consequences.

    “I simply wish to say to all of the ones liberals in the market and the liberal media, simply should you haven’t gotten the message but: I don’t feel sorry about it. And I’m really not backing down. I’m no longer going to express regret. I’m no longer going to cower. I’m no longer going to run from you,” Hawley instructed the gang.

    “Yeah. He’s by no means going to run from his enemies,” Colbert mentioned. “If truth be told, right here he’s on January 6 bravely moonwalking into risk.”

    Watch the roast under on “The Overdue Display”:

  • Bleak And Desolate: Stephen Colbert Spots Biden’s Maximum ‘Mad Max’ Second But

    “Not anything says the whole thing’s superb like a dehydrated septuagenerian broadcasting from the set of ‘Mad Max: Fury Street,’” Colbert quipped.

    Biden referred to as the placement an emergency, however stopped type of stating a real emergency, pronouncing he would take extra motion within the coming weeks.

    “‘Within the coming weeks’ roughly undercuts the sense of urgency right here,” Colbert mentioned, then introduced a comparability: “Are you choking? Don’t fear! I do know the Heimlich maneuver ― I will be able to save your lifestyles… within the coming weeks.”

    See extra in his Wednesday night time monologue:

  • Stephen Colbert Spots Actual Second Steve Bannon Spilled The Beans On Trump

    For instance, Bannon claimed govt privilege averted him from attesting. However, as Colbert identified, a Trump lawyer advised the FBI in June that the previous president by no means invoked govt privilege for Bannon.

    “I imply, wow. He truly hung Bannon out to dry,” the “Past due Display” host stated. “Which isn’t simple, as a result of Bannon excretes a thick layer of sebum.”

    Colbert additionally noticed some newly leaked audio from earlier than the 2020 election wherein Bannon necessarily published a lot of the playbook Trump would observe after shedding.

    “He’s explaining the entire evil plan on tape!” Colbert stated. “The one manner this might’ve been extra Bond villain is that if he had Joe Biden strapped to a laser desk.”

    Test it out in his Tuesday night time monologue: